Developing Self Esteem in Children By Ramona Hall

Self-esteem has become the catch word of the decade. We often make judgments about how parents and teachers should treat children based upon whether the interaction will help or hinder the child's self-esteem. As adults, we sometimes think of self-esteem as an internal edifice, subject to damage and erosion. We assume that negative feelings, unhappy events, or unpleasant relationships will gradually chip away at the façade, leaving behind a broken shell. In reality, self-esteem is more like a trip than a destination. It is a lifelong process that is inextricably connected to our relationships across the life span and to our personal accomplishments.

Our relationships with our families, friends, and co-workers all affect the way we view ourselves in the world. This self view evolves over time and changes with our life experiences. If we have mostly positive, affirming relationships with others, we tend to see ourselves more positively in terms of how we operate in society. In contrast, if we have many noxious relationships, we may develop less positive feelings about ourselves. But rarely does one event suffice to change one's self perception and affect overall self-esteem. Rather, it is the cumulative effects of many interactions which shape our feelings about ourselves.

A sense of personal accomplishment is also necessary to the development of high self-esteem. Each time we learn a new skill, overcome an obstacle, or reach a goal, we grow more certain of our ability to effect change. In turn, this feeling of self efficacy translates into a willingness to set higher goals and risk potential failure in the future. The ability to take appropriate personal risks is highly correlated with self-esteem as both a predictor and an outcome. Success builds upon success and predisposes us to make future attempts. By the same token, when we seldom or never succeed, we are much less likely to strive for the same goal in the future.

As parents and teachers, we can contribute enormously to children's growing self-esteem in several ways. Adults can provide good role models by respecting and accepting themselves and others. They can allow children opportunities to achieve success early so that they develop a sense of mastery and self efficacy. With trust and encouragement, adults can help children to set and reach realistic goals. Children can be taught that errors and failures are experienced by everyone and that they are a natural part of any learning process. And, finally, adults can provide living and learning environments that promote affirming, positive relationships.

By Ramona Hall

Ramona Hall is a Licensed Educational Psychologist and Nationally Certified School Psychologist. She makes her professional home in Santa Clarita, California. Her passion is to help parents and children live more comfortable lives at home and in school. Ramona provides testing, therapy, consultation, and case management services to families who have children in need of educational intervention. She works with children and adults in areas such as learning disabilities, Attention Deficit /Hyperactivity Disorder, Autism, Asperger's Syndrome, Tourette Syndrome, and school adjustment. Additional articles and information about educational psychology can be found at http://compassionatesolutionsscv.com