The Teenage Twilight Zone

I was shocked to learn recently that nearly all of my daughter’s friends are on bad terms with their parents. Out of a collection of around twenty teenagers, only two were happy to spend time with their parents, most preferring to avoid family interaction altogether.

This is a sad indictment of the parents, in my view. Teenagers by definition are self centred, aggravating creatures with inbuilt radar for avoiding household chores and a mysterious ability to disrupt the family home from the cellar to the attic for most of the interim years between the age of 12 and 19. This, however, is not a good enough reason to give up on them.

I learned early in my daughter’s teens that, in spite of being completely unable to keep her room even moderately clean and tidy, she had a reputation amongst other families for being an organised washer of dishes, an unstoppable whiz with a vacuum cleaner, and an asset in the kitchen. At first, I thought they must be talking about someone else’s child, but no. It really was my little horror they were talking about.

Why is it that these kids can perform so beautifully in another environment but not at home? I could quite truthfully swear that my daughter has never been bullied into doing anything she did not want to do, so the Cinderella theory is out the door.

Perhaps she just likes these other people better, you say to yourself, hoping it is not the case, of course. In actual fact, that has nothing to do with it. I believe now that it is only a case of wishing to achieve somewhere that is unfamiliar, with someone who is unaware that, at home your room resembles the Somme.

There is an element of make believe in the matter, I must add. These kids do not see themselves as a problem; they see themselves still as your little girl, your best buddy, almost as though they imagine such things as being responsible and careful with pocket money, keeping your room clean, helping with the chores, all apply to someone else. Threats to punish all these insurrections only lead to a greater problem, I discovered; conflict and resentment sparking a deeper unhappiness not worth the sacrifice of getting the floors vacuumed or the windows cleaned.

Another very curious feature of teenage behaviour is that children who have been raised from a very early age to be helpful and responsible, polite and supportive, will go off the tracks as quickly as a child who has been ruined rotten and never taught any standards whatever! Most unfair – it makes you wonder why you bothered!

My experiences have mostly been of girls but I have been assured by friends that their boys are just as worrying, turning laconic, lazy and sullen.

It is true, though, that at some stage in their early twenties, these kids reform. The reformation is as mysterious as the departure from authority in the first place; it just happens, rather like Santa Clause. Just be grateful and try not to analyse things too closely. They all come home in the end – you just have to be patient until they do.

Maureen is an author,entrepreneur and children's advocate for MEA Online Edge Inc., with emphasis on the self esteem and self confidence of children; including teenagers. Caring for Kids is my current life focus. I strive to be tranquil, serene, and compassionate. Hopefully, this translates into "peaceful and calm".

Please go to KidsEdgeOnSelfEsteem.com

Jan Gamm writes reflections on life with an emphasis on world travel. She has lived in many countries and traveled extensively in the Far East, the Middle East, America, South America and throughout the South Pacific. She writes for fun and for money whenever she can manage it.

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Maureen Amberg